I have an acquaintance who regularly insists that once I send a submission out, I should stop thinking about it. Easy for him to say. I tend to obsess. I eagerly refresh pages for contest results, keep looking at NPR’s 3-Minute Fiction page to find the stories there before the program has even started–not that I’ve found on of my stories there yet–and I’ve attempted every single round. I check to see if the status of “Of Wild Rides and Pirate Eyes” is still under review at a magazine that’s had it since April. Submishmash is refreshed so often that I’m surprised it hasn’t scolded me yet. Or sent me an invitation to an OCD clinic.

So it was a shock to open my email after Writer’s Group on Tuesday to see that NYFA was open to submissions. I don’t know how that happened. I’ve attempted to win a Fellowship from them for years. I think I even had it on my list of things to do–have my submission done AHEAD of time this year–and I totally forgot about it.

What I have been doing is clearing the library out for NaNo. I only have a vague idea this year. The working title is “Finding Forest.” I’m signed up on the site and nearly ready to start. I’m looking forward to the camaraderie. It’s a huge task and knowing others are out there helps immensely.

I have also stumbled upon a few contests (free or nearly so) that I’m interested in entering. Today, I found another. It was for a poem with ‘Diana’ (Artemis-not princess) as the subject. I have one. I knew it was saved to a file somewhere but I had to hunt it down on paper because for some odd reason, it was not on a computer file anywhere. When I found it, it was rather sparse, so I knew I had another poem that also mentioned Diana and do you think I can even find it on paper? No. I’m back to the hunt when I wrap this up.

Sadly, I have got to sort the piles of papers out. The office is completely out of control. Looking in the direction of that room makes me want to cry. I’m not usually this out of order. It sucks. Remodeling the house so late in the year wasn’t the best laid out plan… *Sigh*

And I could berate myself for taking off to Indiana but I can’t. I had the most wonderful time with Husband and my “ex” family. So many great conversations and experiences and people! I’m waiting for the photos to be developed and I’ll get to enjoy that weekend a little bit more.

So, now it is off to post this, sigh (or sob) at the sad state of the office and try to make headway before I take off to go grocery shopping, because it’s Thursday and that’s what I tend to do and holding on to some form of ritual seems like the best raft to cling to during this pre-NaNo time.
I hope your next two weeks are far less stressful!

I refuse to get my hopes up about this upcoming trip. I mean, I go down to Pennsylvania thinking that I’ll stay away from the internet, then I veg out watching ancient Youtube clips that I never got around to seeing before. This weekend, I have no idea how isolated from the web I’ll be. If I’m desperate (let’s hope not) I could painfully use my terrorist network phone to check my email–if I remember to buy a minute phone card thingy, and my password, but I’m hoping that I can just let it go–be internet free–remind myself that even though I am addicted, I did go a few years without checking Facebook and Duotrope every half hour.

On Zoetrope I’m looking forward to the celebration thread this week. I kicked butt! 14 submissions this week and one rejection–though I’m writing this at 9:30 p.m. the night before check-in so that’s subject to change. Last count: 65 things are out! Yes! That is a record, I believe. I’ve been vacillating between setting a new goal and not. The problem is progression and acceptances. As I was lamenting to a friend in a letter, I had accepted Marko Fong’s challenge to get 50 things out–just about this time last year(?) and I did. Now, left to my own devices, I’m pondering if I should shoot for 100 or be staid and easy on myself with 75. I just don’t know.

~~~~~~~~~~
Unbelievably, I woke up and after checking the sites out, I still have 65 things out. At least 5 pieces are either ‘under consideration’ or ‘in progress’ — minor steps up from ‘received’ to be sure, but further along than what they were. And one place I sent a piece to listed a one day rejection on Duotrope giving me hope that my piece is in the running (or I forgot to hit send.)

*Sigh*  Waiting is unnerving.

There is a rather lengthy list of things I should be getting done, but I haven’t had enough coffee yet, and it’s cold. I don’t know how low the temperature got last night, but there wasn’t a frost though I covered the pepper plants–the tomatoes were left to their fate. That is still on my list. Tomatoes. I’ve grown so many this year.

So, I’m off to pack and consider a few days away from the computer. I’m looking forward to seeing people who are a part of my family that I miss. So the Cleveland trip never worked out–this is better. A wedding–who knows what stories this will inspire. I hope it does, too. Nano is fast approaching and I have a vague concept for my novel, but that’s all.

*Sigh* NaNo…Again. So flippin’ soon.

Happy National Poetry Day to all!

There are things I like, such as Submishmash. It is a great tool where I can submit and see if my work has been received or is “in progress.” I also like that notification is sent when I submit–and thus far I’ve known when my pieces have been accepted or rejected through this system.

Now, I’m not happy about rejections, but it’s good to receive notification. What irks me (yesterday) is that I submitted to a ‘Review’ that required I put in all my info to submit and that was it. (There are several Reviews and Journals that use this same format and I’m finding it irksome in general that no one has put it into a be all end all system like Submishmash so I don’t have to fill in the same data set for each Journal/Review that uses this same form.) Really, that was it! No email stating I’d successfully completed the registration process, no confirmation that I’d submitted. Ok, fine, as a writer, I’m used to long waits. Then, according to Duotrope (another thing I like) this Review had sent out many form rejections. I still hadn’t heard anything, so I signed into the site and found my work had been rejected. WTF? They couldn’t even send out a form letter? {Yes, I checked, the email address I entered was correct.}

Whatever.

I’ll get over it, but in the realm of electronic submissions, seriously, as a courtesy, maybe a brief email with “Sorry. No.” as the message. Is that really too complicated?

This Review took less than two months to not tell me my work wasn’t good enough for them. At the other extreme, I received a rejection from a different Review. It took 502 days to get here. It was a form letter–but–across the bottom was scrawled, ‘Try us again?’ [You betcha!] To be honest, after a year and a day, I’d marked that submission down as lost/never responded.

Sigh.

I guess my main complaint is that I try to be courteous when I submit. I submit simultaneously sometimes. It would be nice to be shown the same tiny bit of respect from publications.

I submitted a humorous column to a contest. {Yes, I what some of you may be thinking, but it didn’t turn out that bad, -I don’t think.} Do I think I’ll get the job? Sure, why not? Ha! But the deal was right out there in front. They said, “We’ll let you know if we got your submission. We’ll get so many that we’ll only let you know if your work is advancing to the next round. Winners announced on the 23rd.”

Thank you decent people at McSweeney’s Internet Tendencies for giving everyone the low down. Even though I haven’t heard from them, and I expect I was dropped out of the first round, I am grateful that the parameters were drawn up and I clearly understood them and submitted willingly to those terms. I like not having to guess!

What I don’t like is my printer deciding to play dead. I’ve poked it with a stick. Unplugged it completely. Massaged its cartridges. I have no idea what happened to it. It was fine, then nothing. It’s distressing that it doesn’t even make any noises or flicker a light when the day before it was printing just fine.

I dislike technology and think it’s stupid when I don’t know what is going on with it.

My house is in CHAOS. I dislike this very, very much. I knew it would be chaotic for a bit while the slight modifications were going on: new door, new window, rewiring, light & fan combo moved, new wall. Right. But I can tolerate only so much. Since I can’t change the speed of the construction, I’ve been getting all my papers and stories and poems organized. Editors beware! I’m prepared to submit the good stuff. And if you don’t like it, well, at least say so. Ok? A simple little email saying “No thanks.” I’ll respect you so much if you do. But I’ll really, really like it better if you say, “We’d like to publish your work,” instead. Just saying…

The first draft of this post began roughly at 10 after 9 p.m. on the 31st while slipping into the most enjoyable, earned bubble bath. Tomorrow I have another treat, too. I promised myself I could read Nice Girls and Other Stories by Cezarija Abartis.

I finished you see. Early even. Is Ellie’s Elephants perfect? No. But it is at the point where (I hope) a copy editor can make sense of it and fix the gaffes that I cannot see.

This draft of EE is so much better than the first, but I could be daft and delusional. I want to talk about this book. It’s so much more than I thought it would be and I love it. Tomorrow, when I transcribe this and add it to my blog, I’m not going to be this happy. I know. All happiness is fleeting and terribly temporary.

I’ve been able to push aside housework and correspondence. I mean Sheila called this evening for a moment and the reason was because she and I hadn’t talked for a while. We haven’t. I know I do make for the lousiest responder to email, but to neglect one of my best friends for weeks when generally I talk to her at least twice a week? Shameful. It’s a good thing Husband and I share a bed so we at least see each other on a daily basis.

There has been a lot of shite going on in the background while I wrapped up this draft. Some I’ve been able to ignore, some I couldn’t. The changing out of the door–once the biggest change going on–is so small in comparison now. Windows, walls, old boyfriends, tomato harvests, wild grape hunts have all converged to be larger issues to thoughtfully consider and attend to. Plus, my beautiful niece is getting married in October. I just received the invitation yesterday and plan to talk to Husband about taking a day off of work to be there.(BTW, all of my nieces are beautiful–I truly lucked out that way.)

Funny how life goes on when you’re ignoring it in a race against a deadline.

So, two weeks from now, I hope to report  that I’ve caught up on at least one aspect of my life, even if it’s just checking in with you and asking how you are doing.

My bubbles are gone. I going to shower off then take a walk out to the pergola and concentrate on being grateful.

Thank you for stopping by!

Anymore, writing seems to have a good side that equals the sadness. On Tuesday, I finished the outline of Ellie’s Elephants and sent it to my (fingers crossed) future copy editor. I was under a deadline to get that task done and I did. I was so happy to step away from the computer screen after I sent it!

Sadly, I also received two rejections that day. The upshot was that one was personal, gave very specific criticism, said it was close to being accepted and that from a place I really want to have my work appear in. Such is life…

In the meantime, the washing machine started to smoke. It didn’t quite die, but the resulting delay has me behind on just one more thing and company is coming on Friday and I’d hoped to be caught up by now–or at least be a bit closer to having a semi clean house.

And though I’d heard grumblings of it, went to the restaurant and saw the new lust of my husband’s life, it arrived last night. While I agree the current front door had issues, I just didn’t expect the replacement to arrive so soon and be this grand. It’s a full light door with two full light windows on either side and then atop that is a curved arch with buffaloes etched into it. I think they are buffaloes. Maybe rams? I‘m not up on my horned animals. The fin tube will have to be cut, electric outlets and speaker plugs on the inside and outside will have to be moved, the light switches, the coat hooks… And it’s August.

Will this get done before winter? Will we have enough firewood put up? Will I have the final (Ha!) touches on the book done before I have to send it to the copy editor? These questions and more will be answered at a future time. At least the ‘did I meet the deadline’ one next time. It has to be pried from my hands on the first of September. I plan on having anxiety attacks. Perhaps if I expect them, they will not come. Until September, take care.

I’m convinced that sitting in the pergola makes news more palatable. Most mornings, I’ve been sitting out there with my coffee and reading the lunatic report–I mean the Buffalo News’ coverage of the shenanigans happening in Washington. I found a rejection in my inbox this morning before I went out and even that seemed less painful than it might otherwise have been.

The last few weeks have been crammed full of RL people and I’ve enjoyed it so much. Croquet on a Saturday morning after a Blair breakfast was such fun. I hope we can do that more often with more people, though the intimacy of that morning was pleasant and a great way to begin the day. A trip to Pennsylvania to visit. My sister coming to a reading at Kellie’s–plus it was the first time she’s been to our house. A shopping trip with Sheila. A reunion with my classmates, and Saturday is an anniversary party for a couple who have managed to remain together for 50 years (Wow!) So much to write about and explore. I will not mind remembering these summer encounters when it’s freezing outside!

The heat hasn’t been bad here compared to say Oklahoma, but still I find myself waking early to go outside and do chores before the real heat begins. Tuesday, I put up at least three and a half cords of wood by myself. I’m caught up with what I can get on the splitter. I tried not to be insane about it, but I’m still bruised. Luckily, the bruises will be covered by any skirt or dress I wear to the party on Saturday.

I haven’t been “out” in a while and my closet reflects this. While getting ready for the reunion, I discovered I had skirts that didn’t match any tops and vice versa. (Yes, I am grateful for the problems I have.) I ended up buying several things that have mix and match potential. Now if I could only part with some of the clothes in my closet to make room for these new ones… Even the upcoming yard sale hasn’t been enough to entice me to do a gathering up of ‘things that are no longer necessary in my life’ and I really should do that but… Oh the excuses I could give you… It’s just so nice outside. Is it a crime to enjoy it? I think it’s a more serious crime not to.

I keep catching myself not breathing when I realize that I’m going to be sending Ellie’s Elephants to a copy editor soon. The suggestions and corrections I received from the most awesome people–my first readers–were invaluable and I’m so grateful to Betty, Natalie and Sheila for their input. (Thanks guys!) But it’s time to wrap up this latest revision and send my baby away to be polished even more. (Fingers crossed that this all works out with the contract and continued interest in the story.)

I’m nervous about this next step. Instead of dealing with it, I’ve been submitting like mad and writing new flashes and polishing poems and writing letters. Someone needs to push me, I think. I’m afraid I’ll fall so I’m dancing close to the edge of ‘the next step’ but well within the cordoned off area. Maybe in the next two weeks I’ll have crawled over the fence and plunged in without fear. Or I’ll be waist high in tomatoes and decide I need to make salsa and sauce…anything to make this wonderful summer last a little bit longer.

I believe I could take off ten pounds simply by standing outside today. Fifteen if I were willing to exert myself in anyway. In case we aren’t Facebook friends, last week was phenomenal!

I received an acceptance from Thematic Literary Magazine. They are using “Where Is the App for This?” in their forthcoming  “Smitten” issue. It was a piece I wrote a long time ago, originally called “Is the Mute Button On?” I changed it from a land line to a cell phone, had it rejected once and it was picked up the next time I submitted it.

Then, I received notification that my poem “I’ll Tell You This” was chosen for a Distinction Award in Midwest Literary Magazine. My poem, “What Are Friends For?” came out in Sex and Murder Magazine and Girls with Insurance took two of my poems. As an added bonus,  I wrote a poem I just love called “A Mistress Muses Over Tea” — Lady Heather on CSI was the inspiration for part of it, Samantha of Sex and the City for another part. I suppose it’s not that surprising that those bits fit together as well as they did…

This week is more normal with a few rejections so far.

Actually, it’s not that normal at all. We’re going to be picking up our niece from the airport on Friday night, throwing a get together brunch on Saturday morning then heading down to Pennsylvania to drop our niece off at her Dad’s home. But it’s early yet. Those plans could go out the window.

I’ve made a lot of progress in revising the novel. I’m debating whether I should take it with me on the trip to PA. I rarely get a chance to write when I’m there, though I did manage to write most of a letter the last trip. Everyone was cheering on the Steelers while I used their high speed internet to watch YouTube videos, but there’s only so many cute kitten tricks a person can stand before they want to do something else, so I wrote a letter.

At the moment, I’m washing laundry and contemplating “the mental diminishing return to publishing.” It’s something I hadn’t considered before, but recognized the symptoms in myself immediately. Ah well, I think it another form of ‘be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.’ *Sigh*

Off to load the dryer.

Stay cool if you can!

The weather here has been nothing but gorgeous recently. Hey–it’s Western New York–I can’t say that very often, so I have to say it when I can. I think it’s a law or something. Didn’t I just read that passed in the senate? I know some awesome piece of legislation did…

~~O ~~O ~~O ~~O ~~O ~~O ~~O

🙂  Congratulations to you Sarah Diemer (and Jenn) and Hugh O‘Donnell(and your man) on your upcoming (legally binding) nuptials! I’m so happy for all of you! And I can’t believe it happened here before it happened in California–I really thought they would beat us to an equality alter–go figure.

O~~ O~~ O~~ O~~ O~~ O~~ O~~

It is a heady time right now in NY. This warm, dry climate I find myself ensconced in makes it difficult to prioritize. I’m having a hard time deciding my wants versus my needs; desires from tasks. And since it is western New York, I know I won’t have this problem for very long.

My revision of Ellie’s Elephants is going so well that I’ve started to look for agents to query.

One of the agents I’ve found in my search whom I’d love to have represent me is on the West Coast. Why do I want to query this agent? Let me count the ways… To begin with, she represents an author I love to read. Which is only partially true since I looked at the agency web site, I found she also represents other authors whose work I enjoy reading. Isn’t that something to look for in an agent?

-{-Should you yourself be an agent not on the West Coast and are reading this… be assured that in my head, having an agent at all is an awesome possibility. I’ve just started looking and it is a bit intimidating. I’m trying to find a good fit that will work right now and in the future.-}-

I’m so nervous about this process, though. I haven’t been on a first date in a while and this feels even more awkward than that–Are you sure there isn’t spinach on my teeth? No? Are you sure? What about my commas? Are all those in the correct spot? Did I remember to close all my quotes?— It’s unnerving. I feel like I’m going to be going up to some stranger and saying, “Um… Well… Here’s my baby. Yeah… Won’t you love it, too?” I probably shouldn’t look at it that way, but I do.

By the same token, as I near the end of another revision, I’m already feeling a sense of ‘empty nest syndrome.’ As I wondered in a recent tweet, What did I do before this novel?

I’ll be trying to figure that out until next time.

Cheers!

While I’m a firm believer in the adage well begun is half done, that doesn’t mean I’ve gotten any further than half way through with this rewrite. *Sigh.* I’d like to believe it isn’t the worst thing in the world.

This spring was a record setter for rain. Now that it’s dried out, I want to work in the garden and take walks by the creek. On Tuesday, I saw two of the tiniest deer–they were only as tall as the dog. They were so young, they didn’t have their spots yet. The next morning, husband saw one from the kitchen window and thought it was a fox.

The wild roses are in bloom and smell divine. Sweet peas, buttercups, daisies… Fireflies dancing around at night so brilliantly… A partially built pergola and a roofless garden shed… It is these things that are taking up my time and thoughts. And I just spotted a wild strawberry… If I promise to incorporate these sights and smells and textures into a future piece, can I cut myself some slack about the lack of progress on the rewrite? Probably not. I’m very adept at beating myself up for the smallest things…

It is the 16^th of June. NYFA has not announced the winners of the fellowships yet. I hate waiting for announcements. I hope it isn’t like the first time I entered the poetry category. After a painfully long wait, the deadline for the announcement weeks past, a new announcement came up, it would be a month later than what they originally anticipated… Madness!

I think part of my problem is that I haven’t made a list of how to go about this rewrite, and I should. Perhaps that’s what I’ll do after I post this, and send relevant articles I came across to two women in my writer’s group, and check the status of my submissions on Submishmash, and look at the recent responses on Duotrope…

After procrastinating just long enough, I started my revision of Ellie’s Elephants on Tuesday. By the third page, I called my best friend and started a discussion about a name change for one of the characters. After that bit of distraction, I returned, dragging my feet to the screen and started going through 80 pages.

(Yes, in one day I did 80 pages of revisions and yes, I do want a medal for that!)

After I finished up for the day, I had other bits of dialogue and descriptions popping into my head that I wrote down. I went to bed and within half an hour, I was sitting up in bed scrawling down more notes. It is no wonder that I overslept on Wednesday. With a late start, I only got to midway on page 99. From there until midway page 101, I have to pull it out and rewrite it from a different point of view, but it just wasn’t coming to me, so I let it go. I haven’t opened the file yet today.

The background:

The first time I participated in National Novel Writing Month, I was working on what I see as a second book in a trilogy. All of the sudden, characters and scenes and snippets of dialogue for another book kept trying to distract me. I jotted them down because I knew I’d just be derailing my efforts if I followed that story–which later became Ellie’s Elephants. I finished that draft and after the holidays, I attempted to write the first draft of the third book in the trilogy. I didn’t get that far because I just couldn’t find an ending, and without an ending that tied things up neatly, it was pointless to continue.

So, with such a firm grasp of what I wanted to accomplish with Elllie’s Elephants, I did not have the same stray thoughts. However, when I went to bed on Tuesday, the ending of the trilogy appeared out of nowhere. After I became stuck on the pages 99-101, I took a shower hoping I’d have a Mary Akers moment–she says she always has good writing thoughts and ideas when she’s in the shower and can’t write them down. Instead of coming up with the idea or spark I needed to fix my current problem, I had many nuanced ideas that would add texture to the trilogy and the ending became even clearer.

I’m looking for the name of this phenomenon–if there is one. Why would that happen? Does my brain just not understand what I’m working on, and I need to finish? Why am I getting the answers to questions that I quit considering a long time ago?

I doubt there will be a neurologist passing by and answer me, but if you’re a writer, does thing happen to you, too?

It’s all so perplexing.

Anyway, new things were accepted and I am keeping up with my links page, so please feel free to check it out.

And always, thank you for coming by and visiting.